Sometimes things in life happen, and you don't really have a choice on how they may occur, but you do have a choice as to how you're going to react. As someone who has faced the death of loved ones head on, this has held true.
One question I have found, especially with the unexpected death of my father almost 5 years ago, is that when I ask why I get bogged down, depressed, and begin to question every aspect of my life. Loss of loved ones is a hard part of life, and the grief I experience with my dad's death is something that sneaks up and squeezes my heart in a vice at unexpected times. I'm working on still processing this grief, and I'm learning that it's ok to cry, ok to experience the sadness, and ok to find the peace that comes after feeling those emotions.
This less entertaining blog is stemming from a phone call from my mom that just came in. She called to let me know that my boy, TC, isn't doing well. This is the second of these phone calls, and they are never fun. My boy, TC, is a 16 - almost 17 - year old Black Labrador. He has been one of the most loyal, loving, sweet and handsome guys in my life. Here's my handsome guy. Yes, I think he knew he was having his picture taken. He doesn't always look this noble... especially when he's eating horse poo at the farm.
TC and I became friends in an interesting way. I was dating a guy, and he had to move and couldn't keep his dogs. I told him that, as a good girlfriend, I would take the dogs so he could visit them whenever he came to see me.
The boyfriend and I broke up, but the dogs stayed... At least one of them for the long haul... TC was my companion when my dad died, and I would bury my face into his soft neck and cry. He would patiently lay there, lick my tears away, and eventually make me smile again. His breath is terrible, but in those moments, it just didn't matter. His loving spirit was exactly what I needed to help get me through the biggest loss of my life.
From there our friendship moved into my marriage, which lasted about 4 years... That's a long story I'll get into at a later date, but no matter what happened I knew my pal would always be there for me. Ready to go for a walk and be a constant in a somewhat tumultuous life.
This sweet dog has had a life of changing owners, and my hope in keeping him (at 11 years old) was to provide him a loving home to finish out his days. Little did I know that he would continue to live on for almost 5 years! Life expectancy on a dog like TC is about 12... Not my boy. He just keeps truckin'! I can't believe how good he looks for his long life!
Well, I thought the end had arrived for TC in January of this year. I got a phone call from my brother who told me that TC wasn't eating, wouldn't get up off of his bed, and Nate thought I needed to come out to the farm to decide if it was time to put TC down. When I saw my big dog he looked incredibly sickly. I laid down on the floor and again buried my face in his soft neck and cried. He just laid there, and when I was done gave me a lick on the face.
I took him to the vet, and it turned out he had an infection that, thanks to antibiotics, cleared up what was ailing him in a matter of hours. By that night he was acting like his normal, puppy self. Thank goodness!
Well, the second phone call came tonight. TC has been sick, has stopped eating again, and is looking really bad. Mom wouldn't call unless she thought it could be the end. She is going to call me in the morning with an update on the handsome boy, so hopefully it is good news, but with his advanced age I know it's only a matter of time.
It breaks my heart to think that my sweet boy will be leaving me soon. Can't I keep all the wonderful people, dogs, and things I love right here with me all the time? Wouldn't that be wonderful! However, I think we sometimes have to experience these amazing friendships and relationships in life, lose some of them, and realize that the loss of them makes the ones we still have all that much sweeter.
TC, if this is the end, just know that I love you tons. I hope we'll have many, many walks together when we both get to heaven. Because I do believe that all dogs go to heaven...
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